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20 step 4. lower Cortisol with the power oF Your presenCe

razors. I reached up, then I stopped. I heard a man’s voice, the man I loved,
standing outside the bathroom door.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

Through the closed door, I answered him. I told him the truth. “I’m washing
myself.”

A few months later, in real life, this same man that I loved told me that he
wanted to leave me. We’d been together a long time.

I went through all the agonizing, emotional battles with myself and with him,
trying to help him see how much we had to lose without getting angry, without
driving him away even further. Trying not to die in my misery and sadness.
Trying to stay whole enough to convince him that this couldn’t be the right

thing, that we had to find another way.

After more than a week of that, I needed a break. I decided to stop trying to

change things, at least for a while.

I went in the bathroom and filled the big tub all the way up. I lay down in the
steaming water, and let it start to melt away my pain.

Then I heard him at the door. “What are you doing?”

Without thinking I answered. “I’m washing myself.”

Lying there in the tub, in that same bathroom, I remembered the dream. Had it
been a warning? Yes, but a warning and more. It showed me that the man I loved
couldn’t help me. He couldn’t take away my pain. Only one person could do
that—me.

WHEN YOU STOP THE PAIN, YOU STOP THE CORTISOL.

That was a big one. Love lost. Even on a much lower scale, emotional drama can

create unbelievable pain. More than it should, because when we hurt we start to
obsess about the hurt. That drives the cortisol response even higher.